Today is my brother-in-law's wedding.

A happy day.  A joyful day.  I am very happy that Jim and Ally are getting married.  I do not want to seem as if I am not.

However, my husband is the best man and thus, I get to spend very little time with him today.  Which sucks.  Because even though I love his family, I want to spend time with my best friend.  I want to share in his happiness up close, rather than from afar.  I do not get to sit by him at the wedding, I don't get to spend time with him between the wedding and the reception.  I do not get to eat by him.  In fact, between when the wedding starts and when the dance begins, I get to spend basically no time with him.  Why even go?  It's not my family.  Honestly, I don't mean that with my whole self, but a part of me is like that.

Additionally, both Jim and Ally were part of our wedding and I am nothing.  Not a reader, not an usherette, not a bridesmaid.  This feels hurtful to me.  To not be included.  However, the wedding party, on both sides, is composed more of friends than of family, which happens, but 20 years from now, who will they hang out with?  I don't pretend to know, but I do know that the majority of people my parents' age are not still friends with their wedding parties, unless they were composed of family.

This is a lot of angst, but I do not feel that I can discuss this with Kevin, because, well, it's his family.